Is this just Wedding Jitters? Or does Cold Feet mean something more?
This is a serious topic, that is to say, not taken lightly. In essence, there are many facets on these topics. That is to say, this is a light discussion to provide insight and support.
What are Wedding Jitters and what do they feel like?
As a result, some people worry that the wedding jitters are a sign that something is wrong – either with themselves, or with their partner or the idea of marriage altogether. For example:
- Trouble eating (or over eating). Perhaps you’ve lost your appetite with your tummy butterflies. For instance, remember food gives energy and strength. In other words, be diligent in looking after yourself and your well-being. For example, nibbling on a rice cracker with peanut butter is a good snack. But, on the flip side, you could over eat and find comfort in your food. Most importantly, try focus on finding your balance.
- Wedding jitters is about a physical feeling of an energy rush, and then this leading into an energy crash. In addition, the constant journey between an energy rush versus an energy crash often makes people feel unsettled.
- Sleeping trouble. Sometimes wedding anxiety can become inflated when your environment is quiet at night. But try some apps to induce better sleeping. Breathe deeply. Use music to soothe yourself.
- Difficulty concentrating on one task at a time. If distractions come into your mind, for example, often writing them down until you’ve completed your task can help.
- A little bit of OCD towards your wedding plans. That is to say: Bridezilla. This is mostly normal, one of the most important days of your life is approaching.
- Become a bit clumsy.
- Feeling annoyed, irritable and maybe even a bit short tempered. However try breathing before reacting. In other words, speak slowly to help calm your body.
- On edge. Certainly try yoga. Just move! Hike. Exercise.
- Worrying about your wedding. Firstly, start a wedding check list. Secondly, delegate tasks to loved ones you trust.
Are my wedding jitters normal?
Certainly, this is to say that wedding jitters are absolutely a perfectly normal part of the getting married journey. To clarify, there is so much going on in the space of a short time prior to the wedding that wedding anxiety is quite normal. One moment you may feel up with extreme excitement and in contrast, the next moment you may feel down with nerves. This roller coaster of up and down can go on for weeks or months. Importantly, it is normal to feel nervous before any life change. Wedding planning can also be a stressful ingredient for some too – plus this is going on during a major life transforming time. In summary, don’t be too hard on yourself.
For guys, however, wedding jitters can simply mean nerves about commitment and not necessarily a reflection of the actual relationship quality. In other words, this is why there are Groom Jokes about ‘in case you get cold feet’ or ‘game over’ or ‘help me’. Above all, turn the stress into humour right here: So You Don’t Get Cold Feet Socks and Help Me
As a result and most importantly, wedding jitters does not necessarily mean the wedding is destined to doom! Further, wedding jitters can simply mean that an intervention is required.
Wedding jitters can be caused by situational causes:
Firstly, wedding anxiety could be about being in the spotlight. Set your wedding to suit you and your Fiancé. Sometimes the conventional walking down the aisle method doesn’t suit all couples. Instead, walk into a cocktail reception as a couple, say your vows together and be surrounded by loved ones. This can be a good alternative to reduce wedding nerves. Do what works for you as a couple.
Secondly, sometimes it is the actual wedding day causing wedding jitters. Having entire families together for a day or wedding weekend can cause anxiety – especially if there are step-parents or estranged family or a difficult family member.
Thirdly, the ‘what if’ factor. What is your guests don’t have fun? Well, if you’re having fun as a couple – your guests will likely join in the fun. Flip over that thought into ‘what if I enjoy every moment I’m in and turned my expectations into appreciation?’
Fourthly, wedding planning, honeymoon and everything in before, during and in between can be stressful – especially if you have a full time job too. You could feel like you have so much on your plate and your stress levels shoot up irrationally. This is normal! You may feel tired, annoyed, and irritable. This is normal! As a result, should you call the whole wedding off? Elope? Run off to the Seychelles? We know where you are at – and you are definitely not alone! Certainly, many brides and groom feel a lot of emotion during this build up.
Fifthly, wedding planning can be difficult for some. You’d like to please your parents, future-in-laws, yourself and your fiancé. This seems like an almost impossible task to keep yourself, plus everyone involved – happy! Moreover, your wedding is a huge event of your life and you’d like everything to be just perfect.
Can you interpret your wedding jitters?
Above all, explore your feelings. Most importantly, the time to deal with your feelings is now. Interpreting your wedding jitters will guide you on which pre-wedding platform you’re standing on. In addition, ask yourself (whilst in the support of loving friends of family) some serious questions.
Now that we kind of understand wedding jitters, let’s look a little deeper at the profound foe of cold feet
In this instance, cold feet towards a wedding is a general saying that refers to a loss or lack of courage or confidence, during an onset of fear or uncertainty. Moreover, cold feet runs deeper than wedding jitters. Please, try to differentiate between the stress over your wedding and getting married in general VERSUS and in contrast, having real questions about this specific relationship that you’re in. Ask yourself (and surround with good supporting loving friends or family to support you in this topic) if this feeling is a temporary pre-wedding anxiety of nerves OR on the other hand if this is a more permanent concern that is real about your intended life partner.
Is my partner the right one? You’ve:
- Grown in positive ways throughout your relationship
- Feel loved unconditionally
- Choose to be with him or her
- Think he will definitely be a great husband/wife and parent
- See yourself spending the rest of your life with him/her, growing old together
- Cannot imagine your life without him/her
- Feel comfortable sharing your life with him/her
- Can be true to yourself and be yourself around him/her
Sometimes weddings are called off. It’s a difficult topic to put into one box and to digest sometimes. Here’s some reasons weddings have been called off:
- You discover your fiancé has a drug or alcohol problem that cannot be in recovery mode
- Deceit or unfaithfulness
- Feelings towards your wedding is of dread rather than excitement or happiness, a consistent feeling for a few months
- Lifestyle discussions cannot be aligned between partners, such as to have or not to have children together
- Impact from friends or family
Ok so you’re feeling nervous about your wedding. Which of these sentences best describes your concern of your nerves?
- Wedding planning
- Letting go of my life as a single person
- Both 1 and 2
- My relationship with my Fiancé
In this instance, there’s no easy way to simply assess wedding jitters versus cold feet. Mostly if you chose 1.2.3 it could be wedding jitters. If it’s number 4 – perhaps you’re considering cold feet. Certainly, reflect that you if walk away now, cancel the wedding, free of embarrassment, free of guilt, loss of money – would you do it? If you certainly would, then perhaps it’s not just the wedding jitters.
Overcome wedding jitters with ways to calm your nerves
- Trust those around you. Trust your wedding suppliers as experts in the wedding field. Trust your loved ones. Trust. Get connected. Say YES to help.
- Not everything is 100% perfect all the time. Accept imperfections.
- Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
- Think on good times and memories you’ve shared with your Fiancé.
- Take time out. Rejuvenate your body, mind and soul with whatever works for you. Perhaps getting lost in a novel. Or a holistic healing full body massage.
- Feed your well-being. Exercise. Get active. Refuel. Amp up your vitamin intake. Eat a healthy meal. Sleep well.
- If you’re never tried it, now is the time.
- Share where you’re at with your Loved Ones. They care for what you’re going through.
- Rely on your Fiancé.
- Get support if you need it. Hire a wedding planner or a counsellor. Organise your wedding so you feel safe, comfortable and connected to your future life partner.
- Most important, be fully immersed and present in your current moment. Don’t get too lost in the past or future. Be mindful.
- Start a journal.
- Enjoy a long, hot bath with some scented (lavender) candles. Lavender is a fantastic soother, sedative and calmer.
- Take a digital detox. Turn your phone on silent. Turn off the TV, laptop, iPad.
- Scratch through your wedding treasure chest which you’ve been building, creating, adding and compiling over the past few months.
- See a professional. Set goals. Learn communication tools. Get some help tools.
- Be flexible. Keep an open mind.
- Practice forgiveness.
- Be mindful that ‘things don’t just work out themselves’. Wedding jitters can ease through the relief of good heart-to-heart conversations.
- Discuss each other’s expectations of lifestyle, children, life. Talk about a general plan. Where do you want to live together? How much time will you spend with each other’s extended families? How ambitious are each of you in your relationship and how will we make room for your ambitions in your relationship? Talking through these topics helps to form a picture or plan for your marriage.
- Chat about boundaries.
- Enjoy photos of your life together so far with your Fiancé.
- Designate one night a week where you DO NOT talk about your wedding at all. You’ll feel so rejuvenated once you get back onto wedding topics.
- Adjust and plan your finances. How will you budget together?
- Join premarital classes together.
- Lean from a role model married couple. Chat to them about their marriage success secrets.
- Change the ‘me’ to ‘we’.
- Visit a professional or couple therapist.
- Talk to a loved one which you trust.
- Write down all the good things about being married to ‘your person’.
- Rekindle your romance with a romantic weekend away.