Are the Wedding Jitters for a Bride or Groom natural? Or does Cold Feet mean something more?

This is a serious topic for any Bride or Groom. In essence, there are many facets on these topics.  That is to say, this is a light discussion to provide insight and support.

What are Wedding Jitters for a bride or groom and what do they feel like?

As a result, some people worry that the wedding jitters are a sign that something is wrong – either with themselves as Bride or Groom, or with their partner or the idea of marriage altogether. For example the ‘symptoms of wedding jitters for most Bride or Groom has included the following:

  • Trouble eating (or over eating). Perhaps you’ve lost your appetite with your tummy butterflies.  For instance, remember food gives energy and strength. In other words, be diligent in looking after yourself and your well-being.  For example, nibbling on a rice cracker with peanut butter is a good snack. But, on the flip side, you could over eat and find comfort in your food. Most importantly, try focus on finding your balance.
  • A physical feeling of an energy rush, and then this leading into an energy crash. In addition, the constant journey between an energy rush versus an energy crash often makes people feel unsettled.
  • Sleeping trouble. Sometimes wedding anxiety can become inflated when your environment is quiet at night.  But try some apps to induce better sleeping.  Breathe deeply.  Use music to soothe yourself.
  • Difficulty concentrating on one task at a time. If distractions come into your mind, for example, often writing them down until you’ve completed your task can help.

Nearly there… here’s a few more you may simulate with:

  • Perhaps a little OCD towards wedding plans. That is to say:  Bridezilla.  This is mostly normal, one of the most important days of your life is approaching.
  • Becoming a bit clumsy.
  • Feeling annoyed, irritable and maybe even a bit short tempered. However try breathing before reacting. In other words, speak slowly to help calm your body.
  • On edge. Certainly try yoga. Just move! Hike. Exercise.
  • Worrying about your wedding. Firstly, start a wedding check list.  Secondly, delegate tasks to loved ones you trust.
Wedding Jitters

Wedding Jitters

Are Bride or Groom wedding jitters normal?

Yes! Wedding jitters are absolutely normal for most bride or groom.

Certainly, this is to say that wedding jitters are absolutely a perfectly normal part of the getting married journey. To clarify, there is so much going on in the space of a short time prior to the wedding that wedding anxiety is quite normal.  One moment you may feel up with extreme excitement and in contrast, the next moment you may feel down with nerves.  This roller coaster of up and down can go on for weeks or months.

Importantly, it is normal to feel nervous before any life change. Wedding planning can also be a stressful ingredient for some too – plus this is going on during a major life transforming time.  In summary, don’t be too hard on yourself.

Guys may feel it too: 

A guy’s wedding jitters can simply mean nerves about commitment and not necessarily a reflection of the actual relationship quality.  In other words, this is why there are Groom Jokes about ‘in case you get cold feet’ or ‘game over’ or ‘help me’. Above all, turn the stress into humour right here: So You Don’t Get Cold Feet Socks and  Help Me

So to say that wedding jitters does not necessarily mean the wedding is destined to doom!  It can simply mean that an intervention is required for either the bride or groom.

Wedding Jitters

Wedding Jitters

Wedding jitters can be caused by situational causes:

Firstly, wedding anxiety could be about being in the spotlight.  Set your wedding to suit you and your Fiancé.  Sometimes the conventional walking down the aisle method doesn’t suit all couples. Instead, walk into a cocktail reception as a couple, say your vows together and be surrounded by loved ones.  This can be a good alternative to reduce wedding nerves.  Do what works for you as a couple. The future bride and groom.

Secondly, sometimes it is the actual wedding day causing wedding jitters.  Having entire families together for a day or wedding weekend can cause anxiety – especially if there are step-parents or estranged family or a difficult family member.

A few more situational causes include:

Thirdly, the ‘what if’ factor.  What is your guests don’t have fun?  Well, if you’re having fun as a couple – your guests will likely join in the fun. Flip over that thought into ‘what if I enjoy every moment I’m in and turned my expectations into appreciation?’

Fourthly, wedding planning, honeymoon and everything in before, during and in between can be stressful – especially if you have a full time job too. You could feel like you have so much on your plate and your stress levels shoot up irrationally. This is normal!

You may feel tired, annoyed, and irritable. This is normal! As a result, should you call the whole wedding off? Elope? Run off to the Seychelles? We know where you are at – and you are definitely not alone! Certainly, many brides and groom feel a lot of emotion during this build up.

Fifthly, wedding planning can be difficult for some. You’d like to please your parents, future-in-laws, yourself and your fiancé. This seems like an almost impossible task to keep yourself, plus everyone involved – happy!  Moreover, your wedding is a huge event of your life and you’d like everything to be just perfect.

Wedding Jitters

Wedding Jitters

Bride or Groom:  Can you interpret your wedding jitters?

Above all, explore your feelings.  Most importantly, the time to deal with your feelings is now. Interpreting your wedding jitters will guide you on which pre-wedding platform you’re standing on. In addition, ask yourself (whilst in the support of loving friends of family) some serious questions. Whilst you’re gaining valuable insight into your jitters – keep motivated by diving into wedding articles, such as We’re Engaged – Now What?!

Now that we kind of understand the wedding jitters, let’s look a little deeper at the profound counterpart “cold feet”

In this instance, cold feet towards a wedding is a general saying that refers to a loss or lack of courage or confidence, during an onset of fear or uncertainty. Moreover, cold feet runs deeper than wedding jitters for a bride or groom.  Please, try to differentiate between the stress over your wedding and getting married in general VERSUS and in contrast, having real questions about this specific relationship that you’re in.

Ask yourself (and surround with good supporting loving friends or family to support you in this topic) if this feeling is a temporary pre-wedding anxiety of nerves OR on the other hand if this is a more permanent concern that is real about your intended life partner.

Is my partner the right one? You’ve:

  1. Grown in positive ways throughout your relationship
  2. Feel loved unconditionally
  3. Choose to be with him or her
  4. Think he will definitely be a great husband/wife and parent
  5. See yourself spending the rest of your life with him/her, growing old together
  6. Cannot imagine your life without him/her
  7. Feel comfortable sharing your life with him/her
  8. Can be true to yourself and be yourself around him/her

Sometimes weddings are called off by either the Bride or Groom. It’s a difficult topic to put into one box and to digest sometimes. Here’s some reasons weddings have been called off:

  1. You discover your fiancé has a drug or alcohol problem that cannot be in recovery mode
  2. Violence
  3. Deceit or unfaithfulness
  4. Feelings towards your wedding is of dread rather than excitement or happiness, a consistent feeling for a few months
  5. Lifestyle discussions cannot be aligned between partners, such as to have or not to have children together
  6. Impact from friends or family

Ok so you’re feeling nervous about your wedding. Bride or Groom, which of these sentences best describes your concern?

  1. Wedding planning
  2. Letting go of my life as a single person
  3. Both 1 and 2
  4. My relationship with my Fiancé

In this instance, there’s no easy way to simply assess wedding jitters versus cold feet.  Mostly if you chose 1.2.3 it could be wedding jitters. If it’s number 4 – perhaps you’re on the side of potential cold feet.  Certainly, reflect that you if walk away now, cancel the wedding, free of embarrassment, free of guilt, loss of money – would you do it?  If you certainly would, then perhaps it’s not just the wedding jitters. 

Wedding Jitters

Wedding Jitters

How Bride and Groom overcome wedding jitters:

  1. Trust those around you. Most of all, your wedding suppliers are the experts in the wedding field.  Get connected.  Say YES to help.
  2. Not everything is 100% perfect all the time. Accept imperfections.
  3. Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
  4. Think on good times and memories you’ve shared with your Fiancé.
  5. Take time out. Rejuvenate your body, mind and soul with whatever works for you. Perhaps getting lost in a novel. Or a holistic healing full body massage.
  6. Feed your well-being. Exercise. Get active. Refuel. Amp up your vitamin intake. Eat a healthy meal. Sleep well.
  7. Share where you’re at with your Loved Ones. They care for what you’re going through.

Nearly there… here’s a few more helpers:

  1. Rely on your Fiancé. Communicate with him or her about where you’re at in your head.  Perhaps start on something light together such as What Wedding Traditions Shall We Include on the wedding day.
  2. Get support if you need it. Hire a wedding planner or a counsellor.  Organise your wedding so you feel safe, comfortable and connected to your future life partner.
  3. Most important, be fully immersed and present in your current moment. Don’t get too lost in the past or future. Be mindful.
  4. Start a journal. Yes Bride you. Yes Groom you. Or even better work on one journal together.
  5. Enjoy a long, hot bath with some scented (lavender) candles. Lavender is a fantastic soother, sedative and calmer.
  6. Take a digital detox. Turn your phone on silent. Turn off the TV, laptop, iPad.
  7. Scratch through your wedding treasure chest which you’ve been building, creating, adding and compiling over the past few months. Whilst you’re scratching through your wedding treasure chest, grab a cup of coffee to delve into Random Fun Wedding Questions you may have.
  8. See a professional. Set goals. Learn communication tools. Get some help tools.
Wedding Jitters

Keep Calm And Get Married

 Overcome wedding jitters with ways to mentally prepare for your marriage:

Be flexible. Keep an open mind. Chat about boundaries.

Practice forgiveness.

‘Things don’t just work out themselves’. Good heart-to-heart conversations are big helpers.

Discuss each other’s expectations of lifestyle, children, life. Talk about a general plan. Where do you want to live together? About how much time will you spend with each other’s extended families?  How ambitious are each of you in your relationship and how will we make room for your ambitions in your relationship? Talking through these topics helps to form a picture or plan for your marriage.

Nearly there… here’s a few more soothers:

Enjoy photos of your life together so far with your Fiancé.

Designate one night a week where you DO NOT talk about your wedding at all. You’ll feel so rejuvenated once you get back onto wedding topics.

Adjust and plan your finances. How will you budget together?

Join premarital bride and groom classes together.

Learn from a role model married couple. Chat to them about their marriage success secrets.

And most of all:

Change the ‘me’ to ‘we’.

Visit a professional or couple therapist.

Talk to a loved one which you trust.

Write down all the good things about being married to ‘your person’.

Rekindle your romance with a romantic weekend away.

In concluding, whichever side of the fence you’re on bride or groom – Above all else, take care of yourself and your well-being.  Wedding planning can be stressful, however, moreover, it’s too an incredible journey with the one you love.  Use some of the helpers above to motivate your journey.

Wedding Jitters

To have and to hold from this day forth